A - Lonely - Ness

Some resort to Violence Others resort to silence Some cannot even tell the difference Between loneliness and aloness Aloneness is more physical. It is less emotional. Literally, It means you are alone physically Aloness is not loneliness Don’t misconstrue the two Loneliness is an emotional state Where whether or not you are physically alone, You feel like no one loves, appreciates And accepts you for you enough. Loneliness does not matter How rich or poor you are. It doesn’t care whether Your whole family is dead or alive. It could be caused by peer rejection From an abandonment from family. It could be caused my poverty. It could be caused by the loss of a loved one. It could even be as a result of a self-imposition. It leads to dejection And brings with it frustration. It could lead to drug use or its abuse. It could lead to self-execution. Loneliness can generate hatred for humanity. It can make you despise people just because they are happy. Loneliness can lead to self-imposed solitude It can lead to addiction. It can lead to finding solace in vices like masturbation, You can begin to enjoy pornography. Loneliness is more dangerous than we treat it, especially here in Africa. It may come at a high cost But all is not lost There is hope Here is the scope I mean we can harness The solitude found in loneliness, And transform all the negative effects of aloneness And turn them into positive vibes of creativity, Self-confidence and inventiveness. I believe that, One can use the lonely feeling To better himself or herself and become a sensation. Let me tell you about my own experience. Especially in SHS, I was very lonely. I lived among people who clearly liked me not. People hated me just for my confidence and most of those who even smiled in front of me frowned behind my back. It was really a hard time for me. I was caught in the web of challenging the status quo, fulfilling my academic goals and being a selfless, a confident and an astute leader in an environment where many did not appreciate these ideals and misconstrued them for negative pride and being pompous. Then there was my poor finances. I was literally paying my own fees and feeding myself. Amidst all these, I had to smile every time and just be the cool guy. I had mates, but that was all they ever were; classmates. And no one was willing to associate with me beyond our mutual proximity. Most of the time I had to keep a wide smile going but I was dying inside. I was a giant on the outside but inside, I was a dwarf. So what did I do? I accepted my lot. I identified my spot. I accepted that I was lonely. It is the first thing one must do in that situation. It is the first stage of the healing process. Then I decided to pay more attention to what I had and, forget about what I did not have. I had about 3 real friends in those days. I had an accountant in the school who was not adding my name to the list of those who owed fees. I had and still have awesome leadership qualities. I was fairly good in my academics. I paid more attention to these and by and by I found a companion in them. That’s why I say, “With time, loneliness becomes a companion”. One companion that you can confide in. I consciously decided to improve my strengths. I joined the debaters club. I founded a group on campus. I availed myself for leadership opportunities available. And I enjoyed these things. I did not do them to drown my loneliness but more so to get rid of it. So I knew I was lonely and I knew I didn’t want it and I knew I had to get rid of it, so that’s what I did. Furthermore, in my loneliness I consciously became creative. I started with writing poems. Then I went further than just debate and started writing scripts for the drama club. I became a more active member of the school choir. In my loneliness, and in working to get rid of it, I identified positive things that could make me happy and I did them. As I have already said, my motive was not to drown my loneliness but to get rid of it. If you drown your loneliness in drinking, wearing fake happiness, or getting hooked on some drug, you will wake up to see it staring right back into your face. Loneliness is like a football. No matter how much you push it underwater, it will resurface. If you want to get rid of the ball or the balloon, burst it. Seek to burst your loneliness and not to drown it out. I also made a conscious attempt to genuinely connect with people beyond my immediate environment. I mean, being lonely must not make you a lone ranger. When I entered fresh into school, I did not like to write even a common feature. You know a feature. That’s when, in SHS, a friend writes a letter to their friend in another school and you also write a small note to other schools, seeking friends like everyone was doing. But, at a point, to help me combat my loneliness, I wrote to some schools and getting replies brought me a lot of satisfaction. If your immediate environment seems not to give you enough acceptance, seek it elsewhere. Just be wary of being desperate but beyond that make new friends and experience life from their perspective as well. Build new relationships. Sometimes we are so unsure if the problem is with us or with the majority. I tell you, most often the problem is with the status quo so just leave the majority alone and go replace your lonely times with some good genuine friends elsewhere. And elsewhere could be right in front of you. That mate or colleague or church member, who is also a little or a lot like you, approach them and share a smile. Share a word. Share a handshake. Be yourself but be ready to meet the world. There is a genius in loneliness So don’t bury yourself in a lonely nest Don’t live all your life trying to prove your worthiness When you fell all alone in this world You can become creative with your interest I have done it. You can do it. I am and I have a proof of it. © Efo Korku Mawutor